less lovin' and more yellin'

So no patients saying "I love you" to me today.  In fact, lots of scary yelling coming from the "scary" ward.  I heard lots of door slammings by patients, screaming in various rooms as I walked by, and a whispered "hi" from a Hagrid-sized guy who uses his size to intimidate ppl.  Yea...I'm making it sound scarier than it is... 

I didn't see my favorite Hispanic manic today.  I forgot to tell you that she loves to swear at people in Spanish while wearing a smile and sucks her thumb at the end of her statements like a punctuation mark before walking away.  But I did see my other fave patient with the pink beret, except she somehow lost it and stuck a black comb in her fro.  I am sure I am meeting some of the most unique people I'll ever see in my clincal years and beyond.

Today I lasted through my first whole shift: a staggering 8:30-5 pm.  I am still feeling completely lost.  But I am glad I am starting on psych because...

1) Staff, residents, and attending are extremely nice and understanding and helpful and everything you could wish for on a first rotation (including more free deserts, this time chocolate cake)

2) I can make an utter fool of myself when I interview patients because for the most part the people who are on the "higher functioning" ward (e.g. bipolar, mood disorders NOS) just want someone that will listen to them (I actually got a headache from listening to one of them); and the "lower functioning" pts. (e.g. the schizophrenics) make no sense whatsoever that I really could say anything to them.  (I have yet to do a one-on-one interview with the scarier folk...I won't lie, it's kinda scary to be with them one-on-one.  I feel like their mood can change on a whim.)

Best thing I saw on the wards today:

Antisocial patient's (a person who defies rules and laws, not a person who is "anti-social") chief complaint - "I want conjugal visits with dim lighting and candles at least once every other day."

On my very non-productive home time:

I should have not signed on to my computer immediately when I got home, so I could have prolonged my ignorant bliss of not finding out my board scores.  Ugh...I was much happier not knowing than knowing.  I guess scores can always be worse and I never felt like standardized tests were my strong point (though I don't think my clinical grades will be any better...)

So as always, I turned to food and tv for happiness :D (gosh I love living at home home).  I watched the season finales of House, an episode of Cupid (yes I watch everything on ABC) and series finale of Scrubs.  Is it sad...that I draw parallels to my "friends" on tv?  Anyways, I came to the cliched conclusion that my scores really don't matter that much, and it's really all about love...(and yes I am sucker for the chessy messages on tv.)

Sorry for the disjointedness...maybe it's a pathological thought process - flight of ideas or something.  I really do need to read or study, but I really don't know how to...any pointers? (besides not wasting time on tv, blogging, and reading Red Sox news...)